By Amanda Tennant, staff writer
Across the United States, a hidden danger lurks among teens that has gone unnoticed by many. In recent years, statistics have shown that many teens are experiencing some form of emotional or physical abuse.
In the United States, 1 in 3 adolescents is a victim of physical, sexual, emotional or verbal abuse from a dating partner, according to loveisrespect.org.
For childhood emotional abuse, about 1 in 10 children are emotionally abused by a parent, according to childhelp. org.
Unfortunately, these statistics also reach the students at Indian Trail High School and Academy.
“John,” a senior at ITHS&A, whose real name remains anonymous to protect his identity because of the sensi-tivity of the topic, was one of those children who was emotionally abused growing up.
“[My dad] said a lot of hurtful things that didn’t exactly make me feel great about myself. My mother, on the other hand, likes to manipulate and lie in order to get through life,” he said.
Because emotionally abusive relationships are often unsuspected, Becky Burdette, Indian Trail school psychologist, affirms that emotional abusive relationships can go on for years without notice.
“Sometimes the victim doesn’t necessarily recognize that there is abuse and might not seek out help early. Often times emotional abuse, because it can go on for so long, can have really long lasting effects,” said Burdette.
So what exactly is an emotionally abusive relationship? Barbara David, Advanced Placement psychology teacher, defines it as a relationship centered on manipulation and verbal abuse with a purpose to degrade the victim.
“Emotional abuse is one tacit or manifestation of power and control in a relationship characterized by behaviors like name-calling or insults that serve to diminish, assault, humiliate, isolate or intimidate another,” said David.
According to helpguide.org, characteristics of an emotionally abusive relationship include yelling, name-calling, blaming, shaming, isolation of the victim, intimidation of the victim, controlling behavior by the abuser, and threats of physical violence or repercussions. Helpguide.org also states that emotional abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse.
Like any other forms of abuse, trauma inflicted on emotional abuse victims can cause negative effects on their mental health and behavior.
“Often, the results of emotional abuse would be displayed by low self-esteem, depression, withdrawing from others, anxiety and potentially other damaging personality changes over time,” said David.
“Most tragically, the individual may display self-harm behaviors or become suicidal. The effects deepen and intensify as the abuse slowly chips away at the person’s sense of self- worth and psychological integrity.”
John affirms that his emotional trauma has had negative impacts on his life.
“ A lot of what my parents have done and the way they acted kind of put me in a shell for so many years. I distance myself from a lot of people and hold a lot in and it’s not really healthy to do, but that’s just how I am,” said John.
“It just got to the point where I rarely tell anyone what’s wrong anymore.”
As for characteristics of someone in an emotionally abusive relationship, isolation of one’s self and low self-esteem are a few of the distinguishing factors, according to David.
In regards to emotional abuse awareness, David, John, and Burdette agree that there has to be greater recognition in society.
“While society has gotten more sensitive to abuse and there has been strides in relationship equality, popular culture seems to still ‘blame the victim’ for abuse and there is still not enough attention given to positive education about appropriate conflict resolution, gender roles or peace-making between individuals or groups,” said David
“I think there needs to be greater awareness. I think that because it is so easy to hide emotional abuse behind closed doors that the overall awareness isn’t there,” said Burdette.
“Kids are so afraid to say anything about how they are feeling because kids nowadays are so emotionally damaged and it’s almost like society doesn’t care or doesn’t want to deal with it,” said John.
“A lot of the times kids don’t know what to do because half the time when kids try and reach out for help, the parent tells a different story than what actually happened and that’s the story that people put into perspective — not the child’s — which is unfair.”
Overall, despite the trauma, Burdette contends that recovery is possible for emotional abuse victims.
“There is always hope for recovery, but the earlier you get the help, the easier the recovery is. So staying in a relationship for years is not helpful to anyone. Getting out of the relationship early on is key to recovery.”
John also encourages victims currently in an emotionally abusive relationship to speak out.
“Speak up and trust your gut. Speak up and don’t let anyone, even if that has to be your parents, tell you or treat you like you’re anything less than human,” he said.