By Alexis Carr
He or she is the most amazing person you’ve ever met. This person seems to fit you like a note in a melody. Without each other, you are competent. But together, you create something beautiful.
You feel euphoric. Like a butterfly emerging from its cocoon, almost reborn. Your wings begin to spread and the inner, more carefree you, begins to show. You are truly happy; your glow is visible from miles away. Everything seems perfect, almost too good too be true.
But as time passes, the relationship begins to lose its luster. You become skeptical, more insecure, and perturbed. Jealousy begins to spread like a bad disease you can’t fight off; it starts to control you. Those wings you once thought you had are now withering away. The new being you thought you were collapses before your eyes. Everything seemed so perfect. Then the question finally emerges: what went wrong?
Most teens today seem to toss self-growth, loving themselves, and their happiness aside in order to be with someone else. They begin to sacrifice so much for the other person, but forget to care for themselves. Research shows that tween and teen daters struggle with depression more often than their single peers, an effect that is especially pronounced in girls. Why is this happening? And what can we do to prevent it?
Staff and students among the Indian Trial community have a few ideas regarding this topic.
“In my experience what I see with teen dating is a lot of distrust. It’s for the now and not for the future,” said Kari Hemba, an Indian Trial child and parenting teacher.
“Another thing I witness is people putting their partner first before themselves. For example, re-arranging their work life for their partner or losing friends because they are putting their partner first,” she said.
“But the question is, what happens when your partner isn’t there anymore and you need your friends to support you?” said Hemba. “It’s a very individualized society, they’re not looking at is as a whole.”
Teens are often times putting their partner before themselves. Instead of it being a 50-50 relationship, it is sometimes times more of a one-sided relationship. A lot of teens begin dating at a time when they aren’t entirely matured. Most aren’t ready to take on real relationship aspects such as going on dates, meeting their partner’s family, and making sure they love themselves first before loving someone else. Other times teens are often uninformed and believe that keeping their partner happy is to have sex, accepting his/her abuse, or to sacrifice themselves entirely to keep the other happy.
“I believe that people tend to be more sexually active than compared to my parent’s generation,” said Michael Clark, an Indian Trail freshman.
“I also believe teens are going way too fast and barely think of themselves compared to their partner when dating,” said Clark.
“They are focusing only on their partner, their needs, and what they can receive from them, rather than focusing on both themselves and their partner,” he said.
“Back then they used to go on dates and spend quality time with each other, now it’s less meaningful.”
We grow up in a culture that’s very couple-oriented and so people who don’t find partners or don’t discover one for a long time feel deviant. In society today, being single is viewed as peculiar and achieving happiness is near to impossible without being with a partner. With this ideology, people feel forced to find a partner to make them feel whole and avoid judgment. However, healthy relationships occur between people who are comfortable with themselves, in addition to one another. Love only develops when making your own happiness is a top priority.
“I believe an appropriate age to date is 16,” said Hemba.
“However, I think there has to be a lot of factors in that. What your parents are comfortable with, how mature you are, are you going to just date the person in school or are you actually going to go on dates, learning more about the person, getting involved with their family, things of that sort,” she said.
Love can be an amazing thing. But fall in love with different things. Fall in love with yourself. Fall in love with the different qualities and skills you hold. Fall in love with the presence of a friend. Fall in love with the uniqueness in the world. Remember single doesn’t always mean lonely and a relationship doesn’t always mean happy. There’s plenty of time to discover a partner, but don’t forget to discover you.