By Emiko Kobayashi, Copy Editor
I’ve been in a relationship once in my life. In the ninth grade, I asked a girl to the movies. Instead, she asked to be my girlfriend. That lasted for two weeks.
While the pain of singleness has toned itself down, I’ve noticed that it flares up every year during Valentine’s Day. My seeing all the chocolates, hearts, and roses intensifies the loneliness. After all, couples in the U.S. spend more than $19 billion celebrating the occasion this year, according to the latest National Retailers Federation report. The bitterness of my single self is more than enough for occasional Twitter rants and a mental breakdown once in a while.
Although I’ve gone through many crushes during my high school career, I never was able to act upon them. It didn’t matter who they were — tall, short, feminine, masculine — I would catch feelings as quickly as a Hot Pocket soars through the air when you trip. Going through this so many times, I’ve become desensitized to the dull pangs of loneliness that come and go along with the touch deprivation that comes with being single. Friends and peers alike have also shown similar feelings as if their day-to-day life has no relevance, the same day after dull day.
Sometimes I wonder why I can’t just go out and snag myself a girlfriend. Most people who see me day to day don’t realize it, maybe because of how I dress, the way I talk, or how I compose myself. Those who are like me are already in relationships and a few of the people I’ve had crushes on just aren’t interested in that way. It’s as if Valentine’s Day is just there to remind me that I’m different. Like it’s whispering in my ear “It’s going to be much harder to find someone than most people. Just give up and spend your days with 50 cats instead.”
At the same time, Valentine’s Day gives me a sense of hope, the potential for what’s to come next. A budding friendship? A sweet chance at love? Who knows? While the negative emotions of the single side of myself try to eat at my being, there’s a spark of hope that fights it off.
It’s 2019. A new start at this whole “love” thing, this couple concept. It doesn’t matter what others may think. Why not try as long as we’re here anyway.