By Matt Swihart, Opinion Editor
Every year, The Girl Scouts of America sell over 200 million boxes of Girl Scout Cookies. It’s honestly crazy. We people wait all year and pounce on those cookie order forms like a gosh dang lion.
These little cookies are essentially the lifeblood of America. At this point, they’re probably the only thing keeping this country from descending into madness. But at $4 a box, Girl Scout Cookies are easily out of most of America’s budget, so it’s important to make an informed decision when deciding which boxes you should buy.
Let’s start with Lemonades. Be honest, nobody really loves Lemonades, you just buy them so you don’t feel bad about eating all the other chocolatey Girl Scout Cookies. Lemonades have lemon-flavoring which makes them healthy. They’re just the Girl Scout’s Shortbread cookies with lemon on them, but the Shortbread cookies are so much better by themselves. I don’t think anybody chooses Shortbread cookies as their favorite cookie, and I think everybody says that seconds before looking down to realize they ate half a box while watching an episode of Friends.
But you know what’s better than Shortbread? Shortbread with chocolate. Normally, these cookies tell you Thanks-A-Lot, but it looks like we’ll be saying it this time.
Now, we have to talk about the peanut butter cookies. There’s two of them: Peanut Butter Sandwiches and the vastly superior Peanut Butter Patties. Peanut Butter Sandwiches are good, don’t get me wrong, but a few cookies deep, you’re going to get tired of eating dry Oreos. Peanut Butter Patties get peanut butter cookies right. They’re chocolate, they’re peanut butter, they’re good.What more is there to say?
The crown jewels of the Girl Scout Cookie line, the two cookies you can’t stop talking about, are easily Thin Mints and Caramel DeLites. Thin Mints are just classic. They make up 25 percent of the total Girl Scout cookie sales. They’re minty, and minty is good.
But while everyone is raving about their little skinny mint cookies, I’ll be over here eating the best Girl Scout Cookies: Caramel DeLites. How can you hate these? No seriously, how can you possibly hate these? I, personally, hate coconut, and these cookies have coconut all over them but I just can’t get enough of them. It’s crazy.
Now, Girl Scout Cookie season is coming to an end. I know, I know, it’s one of the worst times of the entire year. But hey, there’s always next year. We can power through it together. So, grab a box of your favorite cookies and say “Thanks-A-Lot” for a wonderful cookie season.
